British Customer Service Soapbox

Let me start out by saying that in general I'm not a complainer and think of myself on the whole as a pretty tough chick. However, there have been two institutions in the UK that have both brought to my knees, banking and telecom. I'm just at the point where I can't hold my tongue any longer and dealings with both of these institutions have made me seriously consider going back home. Whenever I mention the concept of customer service in the UK I am promptly corrected that it is the lack of customer service. Since most of my woes with the banking industry are over now, I won't harp on them too much. Due to a high level on money laundering in London the banks do not want your money and will refuse to open a bank account for you unless you provide proof of residency, proof of employment, blood sample, urine sample, DNA testing, hair follicle, retina scan, letter of reference from HRH Queen Elizabeth...you get the point.

My real gripe is with the unruly, unconscionable, fat, dumb, and happy monopoly known as British Telecom (BT). You may think that not having a landline isn't a big deal, however, British Telecom has got everyone by the you know what because you CANNOT GET BROADBAND or EVEN DIAL-UP without first renting a BT phone line. Doesn't matter how you try to get the broadband (cable, satellite, terrestrial) no one can give you an internet connection without going through those greedy b*st*rds first. The following list of events will give you some insight into what I've been dealing with for nearly a month now. None of this is fabricated or exaggerated.

• Sept 29 - Move into new flat.
• Oct 3 - Call British Telecom (BT) to setup a phone line, on hold for 30 minutes. Must hand over all of my personal details so that someone will ring me back in 48 hours.
• Oct 5 - Follow-up call to BT, on hold for 54 minutes. BT apologizes that I have not been called back and promises I will get called within the next 24 hours. They cannot do anything at this point because I have not gotten the call back which assigns me an order number which is my only identity at BT.
  
• Oct 6 - BT rings back with my order number. Am told my new phone line will be initiated within 6 working days because it takes them that long to flip a switch at the central office.
• Oct 10 - BT rings me while in Holland to say that they've called the phone number currently assigned to my flat and someone is living there who is not moving out. I tell them that that is my correct flat # from what the estate agent has assured me. She suggests I look at (but not open) the mail from the previous tenant to see if I can match a name. I tell her I'm in Holland so it's not possible so she'll ring me back if she needs anything else.
• Oct 18 - Return from my traveling and ring BT since my phone line is still not working. On hold for 36 minutes. BT picks up, the line drops. Call BT again, on hold for 42 minutes. We can't get consensus on my flat since BT says is flat #3 while my mail all says first floor flat. Due to the confusion they must establish a new order for a brand new phone line assigned to the first floor flat. She makes an appointment for an engineer to come on October 26.
• Oct 25 - BT sends me a text message that there is no line to take over at my premises and to call BT for further instructions. Call BT, on hold for 1 hour 2 minutes. I am told that a new line must be setup since one does not exist now (What the heck? Isn't that why I had an appointment?). Line drops. Thankfully she calls me back but they've made an appointment for me for November 7 when I'll be out of the country. She must transfer me to another department to change the appointment. "All lines are busy we cannot proceed with your call." URGH!!! Call back, on hold for 53 minutes. They can change my appointment but nothing is available until November 13.

This does not include the countless times where they have not picked up, dropped the line, or transfered me all over the company. Come November 13, we'll see how they choose to screw with me next. Sorry for all the ranting but this is seriously ridiculous.